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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29771925">A Meaning From the Back of My Broken Hand</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/achievement_huntresss/pseuds/achievement_huntresss'>achievement_huntresss</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Overwatch (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Dubious Ethics, Dubious Morality, Manipulation, McCree doesn't trust Mercy, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Paranoia, Pre-Fall of Overwatch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:29:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,664</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29771925</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/achievement_huntresss/pseuds/achievement_huntresss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jesse McCree likes Dr. Ziegler just fine.</p>
<p>Don't mean he trusts her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Meaning From the Back of My Broken Hand</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>*dips my toes back into Overwatch* H-Hello???? Anyone there??????????</p>
<p>Anyways, Jack and I were talking about Overwatch and characterizations and morality and ethics in the Overwatch world and this spawned so.... enjoy???????? lol</p>
<p>Also I have not played or consumed any Overwatch content in a very long time, so if I'm missing characters or something happened in the comics/anniversary events (doubtful) that directly contradict anything written here, sorry! Consider it an alternate universe.</p>
<p>Title from All These Things That I've Done by The Killers!</p>
<p>Enjoy!!!!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jesse McCree likes Dr. Ziegler just fine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Don't mean he trusts her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesse knows what the other Blackwatch operatives say about him - and yeah, he might play into it. He tips his hat at women, smirks, smokes his cigars, says "howdy", stuff like that. It makes people take him less seriously, lets him melt into the background to be ignored. <em>Oh, the Cowboy Kid? Yeah, a real Butch Cassidy over there. Leave him be.</em> Being overlooked is what kept McCree alive for all these years, kept him alive in Deadlock, helped him survive the grueling first two years of Blackwatch training. And being basically a part of the wallpaper gives him the opportunity to do the other thing that kept him alive: observe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>See, Jesse ain't the fool he plays so well. Gabe knows this, Ana knows this, and Jesse'd bet a pretty penny that they're the only two that see the gears turnin' behind his eyes. Moira scolds him, Morrison glares disapprovingly, Fareeha laughs at him, Genji ignores him. It works. He has a dynamic with his team on Blackwatch, and plays exactly the part they expect from him. He's good at watchin' people, good at reading the smallest actions, emotions, body language. It took Jesse about 3 days to determine the strengths, weaknesses, and guess most of the secrets of everyone he came into contact with. And that was back when he was a scrawny 17 year old, fresh from Deadlock and threatened with jail.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now he's 21, a fair amount of kills via Blackwatch under his belt, and he knows his place in Overwatch. Knows everything about everyone, and just smiles and waves, playing the goofy cowboy to the laughs and eyerolls of most of the other members.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He has a plan to kill each and everyone of them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Just in case.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But there's one member of Overwatch that he always feels like he's reading wrong. Jesse's never been wrong before, not with his gut or his instincts, and certainly not after mastering the art of figuring people out. Everytime he sees them, he gets a deep chill set in his bones, the hair on the back of his neck rising, and the urge to snatch up Peacekeeper from her holster on his belt and fire every round into their chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Angela Ziegler.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesse's known her probably the longest he's known anyone here, besides Gabe and Ana. She'd been the field medic on the mission to Deadlock Gorge the day he'd been <strike>captured</strike> recruited, and so she'd tended to his wounds on the dropship while Ana and Gabe argued where to take Jesse - to prison or back to the Watchpoint. Jesse hadn't attempted conversation, too surly from being caught and from the crushing fear that the Deadlock leaders would be gunnin' for his head the second they touched down in God-knows-where. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>(None of that happened, of course. He'd taken the job under Gabe to stay out of prison, and ended up being of better use to the world than he'd ever been as a <strike>criminal</strike> "freedom fighter", rebelling against <strike>civilized law</strike> the oppressive regime of the World Government.)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The blonde haired medic asked him various questions in a light voice, with Jesse answering none of them. He studied her face instead, when he wasn't searching for an exit or a weapon. An uneasy feeling, very similar to the one he still felt to this very day, grew in his stomach as he noted the sharpness of her smile, the way it didn't reach her eyes. Eyes that were bluer than any desert sky Jesse'd seen, but felt like those springs he and a few of his brothers found as children on the edge of their Pa's property: deceptively shallow, blue, and refreshing, but deep, dark, and dangerous if you fell in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Since they were the same age, Ana and Gabe set them up to babysit <strike>each other</strike> Fareeha when the two would go on missions. Jesse would play the reckless older brother, goofy cowboy to Fareeha's delight, and Angela would watch with those cold, cold eyes. Jesse never brought up his unease with anyone, noting from the start that Overwatch and its operatives trusted and valued the doctor more than some dirty, scrawny kid from New Mexico. Even after building up his rapport with the Blackwatch squad and Gabe, he knew it would just earn him ire, or worse, a visit to a therapist. Gabe already got on his ass enough for his paranoia ("Not paranoia, old man. It keeps me alive - all of us, alive." "Sure, kid. Whatever you say."), so him even <em>bringing up</em> the idea that one of their valued allies and respected doctor could <em>possibly</em> be a little unhinged would bring disaster for one Jesse McCree.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And if that's what Gabe would do if Jesse brought up his concerns, he can't even imagine what the rest of his little family would do to him. Morrison would court-martial him on the spot for speaking ill of the Golden Child of Overwatch (okay, maybe Jesse was hanging out with Gabe too much). Genji would have his katana to his throat before the words were even fully formed. Jesse didn't quite understand that dynamic, but he knew that Genji greatly revered Angela's medical work and her efforts to basically piece a human puzzle back together. Even if Genji hated himself and what he'd become, he was weirdly grateful to Angela at a level that McCree really did not understand. Ana and Reinhardt would just look at him in disappointment, and Jesse thinks that he'd rather be run through with the cyborg's sword a few times than face them when they're disappointed in him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesse pushes his food around on his tray, listening to Ramirez (<em>shot to the back of the head while they're distracted</em>) and DuPont (<em>take out their prosthetics with a flashbang, then aim for the eyes</em>) chat idly. He was in the caf for once, choosing to eat in the mess hall with the other Blackwatch members than sulk off in his room. Ana gently persuaded him to go spend time with his teammates by locking her apartment's door and yelling at him in Arabic until he got the message. He spoke when people spoke to him directly, but remained quiet, letting his mask slip a bit. Not that anyone really noticed, Blackwatch members were surprisingly self-centered when it came to their team. Hell, he was sure that a few of them didn't know his first name, with all the nicknames and surname-only use the unit tended to use.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Oi, McCree-" Jesse snaps out of his haze to look up at Rockwell (<em>disable with 4 shots to the chest, then take out the head</em>), who is standing with a full tray, obviously about to sit down. "Your pager is going off."</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Shit.</em> "So it is," he drawls, pulling the mask back up effectively. "Well, I'll catch y'all another time. Bye now."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His teammates smile and nod, a few even waving, before turning back to their conversation. McCree dumps his tray and hightails it out of the mess. He checks his pager in the hallway, realizing with a groan that he's meant to go to visit Dr. Ziegler to check on how his prosthetic is doing after a pretty nasty fall on his last mission. He sulkily walks to the infirmary, brightening up as soon as he walks in. He tips his hat to the receptionists by the offices and even winks, much to her playful scolding. The smile drops again when he sees who's exiting Ziegler's office.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Moira," he greets, attempting for pleasant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her lip curls in the most frightening attempt at a smile Jesse's ever seen. "McCree. Get another injury?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Naw," Jesse replies breezily. "Gettin' my arm checked out." He waves the metal arm. "Took a bad fall."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Fascinating," She steps closer, and it takes every part of Jesse to not flinch backwards. "Now why would you be going to Dr. Ziegler when I am the Blackwatch medic?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"She-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Furthermore," Moira continues, leaning even closer. "Why are you going to a medical doctor to look at your prosthetic when we have many gifted engineers at Overwatch? Didn't Torbjorn build that arm for you in the first place?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesse opens his mouth to reply but finds himself speechless. Moira smirks. "Have a good appointment, McCree. Come to my office for a drink sometime, will you? I'm sure we have much to discuss."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesse finally finds his tongue. "I'll check my schedule, Moira. Thanks."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Anytime," and with that, she all but slithers away, disappearing down the hall, presumably to her office.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesse shakes his head and frowns. So Moira knows something's up with Ziegler. He cringes. The first piece of advice Gabe ever gave him about the members of Blackwatch were to never ever trust Moira and to not take what she gave him. Where Ziegler was deceptively cold underneath a warm exterior, Moira was just straight up openly unhinged. Jesse'd overheard a lot of the older Blackwatch members talk in hushed tones about her experiments, rumors about her look into... darker things. Jesse knew that getting involved in whatever Moira was cooking up would only result in him getting extremely hurt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sighs and keeps walking down the hall. Jesse straightens his hat before knocking on the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Come in!" A cheery voice rings out. Jesse cringes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesse scans his ID and the door slides open. Ziegler is standing at her desk, straightening her papers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Good afternoon, Jesse! Thank you for coming in." She ushers him to sit at the chair on the opposite side of the desk, offering him tea or coffee, which he declines.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No problem, doc. Although, I was wonderin'-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ziegler looks up, eyebrows raised. Jesse clears his throat and holds up his prosthetic. "I was just wonderin'- why you requested I come see you rather than goin' to Torbjorn or Moira."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Ah," Angela relaxes minutely. No one but Jesse would have caught it. He tries to keep himself from frowning. "I am aware that Moira is the designated primary physician for Blackwatch operatives. And Torbjorn is the one who created your arm, yes. However, I have a special interest in the nerve caps used in your amputation, and the neural anchors your prosthetic uses to attach to your arm, allowing for seamless movement and feeling."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesse barely manages to conceal his wince. He remembers that day - the day he lost his arm. He hates thinking about it, but the memory of the building falling, the pain, blacking out, waking up with Gabe kneeling above him. Realizing he couldn't feel his arm. The look in Angela's eyes as she took in the situation on the ship. It was a morbid curiosity in her eyes, a kind of strange joy at seeing someone in so much pain and the risk of death imminent that Jesse had only seen in Moira's eyes before. He saw it only once in Angela's eyes after that - when she'd arrived too late and Liao had died on the field. Angela knelt above their body, that look in her eyes, and Jesse realized then and there that his uneasy feeling had been valid this whole time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now back in the present, Angela has him remove the arm and set it on the desk. She pokes around at the nerve cap that basically seals the stub of his arm off and more easily allows for the arm to lock into place. She hums and tuts as she has him lift it and turn it this way and that. She asks him questions about his arm, if it's malfunctioning, if it's causing any unnecessary pain, and he answers truthfully that no, no pain, no malfunctions. Ziegler has him reattach the prosthetic and has him do a few exercises with his elbow, wrist, and fingers, before making a few notes on her tablet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Well, it seems that there was no damage sustained to the nerve cap or the prosthetic. I would recommend you refrain from any dangerous falls, though, Jesse," Angela smiles, moving to sit back at her desk, connecting her tablet to her desktop. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Thanks doc, I'll keep it in mind." Jesse rolls his jumpsuit sleeve back down and adjusts his hat. He moves towards the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Oh, and Jesse?" Jesse pauses, turning to look at the doctor. She's still smiling, and it still isn't reaching her eyes. "If you do have any feelings of pain or loss of sensation, please come to me immediately."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesse swallows and nods, trying for a smile. "'Course doc. You'll be the first to know."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Angela nods before turning back to her screen. Jesse catches a glimpse of plans for add-ons to her Valkyrie suit and Caduceus. He mentally makes note of the words "restorative power" and "resurrection" before he turns fully and all but runs out of the room. The chill of her smile, the glee from talking about the pain he could potentially be in soon, the idea that she was messing with science that... no one really should mess with. It made Jesse sick. He catches sight of Moira talking to another doctor in the hallway and almost considers approaching her for that drink.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesse shakes his head and keeps walking. Absolutely nothing on God's Green Earth would make him willingly speak to Moira about anything. He makes it to the hallway outside the medical wing and hesitates. If he keeps it to himself, he runs the risk of both Ziegler and Moira going unchecked and doing God knows what in their little laboratories. But if Jesse goes to anyone about his suspicions, he runs the risk of losing the trust he's so painstakingly spent four years building with not only his team, but his superiors. Even Gabe, who he trusts more than anyone in Overwatch, would view him differently. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jesse can't jeopardize that trust. Not when he might need it someday.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He frowns, kicks his feet against the concrete floor, then sighs. Jesse walks towards the dorms, shoulders sagging. He'll continue to observe for now, only go to Gabe if the situation changes. Nothing bad could happen if he keeps it to himself for now, right?</p>
<p>----</p>
<p>McCree wakes up at the drop point, gasping, clutching at his chest. Except -except - except his chest is no longer caved in from Doomfist's punch, organs are safely back in place, muscle, bone, and skin back to their normal place under his armor. He groans, standing up. The fight's still goin' on, and he rushes out, albeit slightly slower than before. He's 37, okay? He's allowed to be a bit crotchety sometimes. He manages to take out a TALON grunt gunning for Tracer, who calls out a hurried "Thanks!" before blinking away. He takes a couple hits as he takes out more of the grunts when the familiar warmth and yellow light surround him, before changing to an icy blue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I am with you!" Mercy announces. He nods in thanks, not wanting to look at her or speak to her much. Sure, he'll banter with her before missions, but that's more for show, for the younger kids to see that Overwatch is just as strong as it had been back in the good ol' days. That even when she rips you from the sweet embrace of death, Mercy has your best interests at heart and is a good teammate. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Doomfist is retreating," Genji announces over the comms. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Roger," McCree says. He doesn't relax though, unease filling his gut as the remaining TALON grunts scramble away for cover. Mercy stops her energy flow and lands next to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I don't like this," she murmurs quietly. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Me either," McCree admits, glancing around.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A cloud of black smoke rises from over one of the buildings. McCree freezes until Mercy breaks the silence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Reaper spotted!" She yells into the comms. She damage boosts McCree once again who only sighs and reloads Peacekeeper.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He really should have trusted his gut, way back when.</p>
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